Body Language and Relationships

Several days a week I go for a walk down different roads in my neighborhood and the adjacent neighborhood. On two occassions now I have seen the same couple outside arguing while working in their yard. They are loud enough for me to hear them from across but I cannot understand them due to the fact that they speak another language. Despite the language barrier, I got a lot of information about them and what was going on. This just reminded me of the importance of body language and other non verbal communication in relationships.

It is important to be aware of your own body language when talking to your spouse or to others to see the message you are sending and to make sure that it is the one you intend to send. It has been documented that 93% of communication is done through non-verbal methods which include body language, tone of voice, and pitch. If you think about the times when you are lying in bed and your partner nudges you that certain way and you know it is a sexual invitation, this is an example of how we communicate without saying anything. Other times we may avert eye contact or lean away from our partner to convey a negative message.

Think about the messages you send to your partner. John Gottman, a leading researcher on couple relationships, has found that in order for a relationship to thrive, there needs to be 5 positive comments/incidents/interactions,etc for every 1 negative. So how can you increase your positive non-verbal communication with your partner? Well, here is a list (of course not all inclusive) of several things you can do easily.

1. Smile
2. Lean into your partner
3. Turn your body towards them while they talk to show interest
4. Hold hands
5. Touch them on the shoulder, back, arm, etc
6. Give them full eye contact while they speak
7. Give a hug or kiss
8. Cuddle
9. Speak softly
10. Use a higher pitch voice
11. Give a back or foot massage
12. Gently caress your partners skin

I hope you find more ways to show your love non-verbally and enjoy doing so while also seeing an improvement in your relationship!


2 Responses to Body Language and Relationships

  1. Excellent information. As a relationship coach myself, one of the tips I advise couple of is to touch each other while they are arguing. Even if the contact isn’t constant, a hand on the leg or hand, a caress or even the mere act of being within arms reach, can make a huge impact on the direction of the conversation.

    • Thanks! That is a great tip to help keep connected during an argument and help keep in mind what is really important at that time. I love hearing from others in the business and the tips that they have! It is amazing how important all of this is in relationships. The same exact issues came up in my next couple session about an hour after posting this!

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