Last week I discussed increasing your positive communication in order to reconnect with your spouse. Today I would like to talk about actually doing things together, having shared experiences. Once again, it becomes so easy in today’s society to get caught up with our many obligations and to begin living separate lives. We forget how to have fun, how to share a lifetime. Experiencing positive and even difficult events together can help us bond with one another if handled properly. First we will discuss positive experiences as we are able to initiate these and are more desirable and then will discuss how to handle negative experiences properly as they come up.
When I talk about positive experiences one thing that I am looking at is what is called couple play. If you follow my blog, you may remember other posts dedicated to couple play, if not you can click here to see one of those posts. By incorporating play into your relationship you will enhance the amount of fun you have together. What this will do is help you see the positive characteristics in your mate that you have lost sight of. It may make it easier to remember why you fell in love with them to begin with. Also, when you are having a good time you are more likely to think positively as you feel happy and these can impact the way you feel about your spouse. It will give you more chances to create inside jokes or have intimate moments and to have positive memories to share.
The other type of positive experience are bigger ocassions. This might be a birth, a wedding, or a new job. Let me state right here and now that these are not things to plan for in order to save your marriage. Too many people try having a baby in order to save their marriage but the problems are still there and now there is the added stress of all new decisions to be made and a small person to care for. When I talk about a birth I am referring to someone else having a child, perhaps you will be an aunt or uncle or a grandparent, or get to celebrate someone else’s wedding (again, not yours in order to save the relationship). The way for these events to help your relationship is to have equal views on them, to talk about them, perhaps remember and talk about your own experiences with these events and how your partner made them the most positive experiences they could be.
Stressful events, although nothing you want to try to initiate, can sometimes have a positive impact on the relationship. This might be an illness, death, or move, for instance. The importance here is that whatever the event is, that you work through it together. You become a united front, support one another to the best of your ability, and make sure that no one feels alone in the situation. By supporting each other through tough times it shows that you are trustworthy and brings to light the benefit of security that is found in mature love. We feel more connected with someone who we believe understands us and someone that we understand. It feels good to know that someone has our back and we will feel more positively towards that person as well.
Remember that none of this is a cure all. These are all pieces of the puzzle. You may already have these pieces fit into place but if you do not, you may want to look at finding them and putting them together in order to make the big picture come into focus!